Diagnosis (long story)

Most of you know that we have been struggling with Kara and her behavior at school (among other places). She's always been very bright and can be quite enjoyable to be around... great sense of humor, loves to learn, craves doing crafts. However, she has had a hard time with being easily upset and shows a lot of anxiety towards new situations. She cannot deal with chaos or not being on a schedule and she is prone to having outbursts at any given time, sometimes without even being provoked. She does not know how to make and keep friends or how to act around other kids. Last year her teacher thought she just had anger issues (same story we've heard a few years now from teachers).

The wonderful teacher Kara has this year has really taken Kara under her wing and wanted to get to the root of the problem. She started looking past the anger and frustration to find out what was making Kara so angry. With her guidance, we consented to have Kara evaluated and tested at school and at the doctor for cognitive, behavior, IQ, and anxiety-type disorders. Her cognitive scores have come back showing her weakest subject is math (which is testing at a 6th grade level) and most subjects, logic, and reasoning are testing at age 21. So far (they're still calculating), it looks like her IQ is over 165. Basically when Kara's a teenager and she thinks she's smarter than me, she most likely will be. A lot of Kara's anger and frustration at school are because she is too smart for the work she's doing and is completely bored. This testing allows the school to give her an IEP so she can be properly challenged academically.

Kara has been diagnosed by two doctors as having Asperger's syndrome )which is on the autism spectrum but isn't characterized as having classic autism traits). She fixates on certain topics (like crafts and food). She also has to follow a routine otherwise she is completely out of sorts. The outbursts and not being able to socialize properly or appropriately as well as the anxiety (as described above) are all signs of the Asperger's. However, some characteristics with Kara weren't fitting so it took some time and careful evaluation to diagnose her. One of the aspects that didn't fit is that Kara is gifted in all subjects. Mostly Asperger individuals are gifted in one or two subjects (like math or music). Another aspect that didn't fit is her ability to (pretty much) socialize well with adults. She can be very delightful (teacher's words) to speak with one-on-one at an adult level. The reason this doesn't fit Asperger's is that they typically don't socialize well with anyone. However, since Kara is so intelligent (doctor and teacher's words), she does relate better on an adult level than with her peers.

I am soooo much less frustrated with her knowing that her behaviors are not her fault. She can't help how she reacts. Her brain just works differently. I used to be baffled by her snapping a trite remark or yelling a response angrily when someone asks a simple question. In her calm moments, she knows she shouldn't do that but she honestly cannot help it and most times doesn't even realize she's done anything like that. Since hearing an initial diagnosis with her pediatrician (before seeing a specialist and confirming the diagnosis), Kara has seemed to understand that her behaviors are not all her fault. She has been much happier at home and at school. Some of this might be because of the difference in attitude Jeff and I have with her. I can't punish her for an outburst. It's not as if she's going to go unpunished for everything from now on, but I can at least understand and see things a little differently.

Kara's teacher is LDS too. She shared an experience from this past summer with me. She had taught at the same school for 25 years. It was next to her house which was not only convenient, but her husband is blind so she deemed it almost necessary to be that close to home. Last year, the principal at her school retired and the district decided to revamp the school including transferring teachers to other schools who had been at that school longer than 10 years. Kara's teacher was understandably very upset. She prayed about it and was still feeling upset and unsettled. She had a priesthood blessing. In her blessing she was told that the Lord had a specific reason for her to be at this new school and that it would be apparent to her once school began. She felt unsettled still. This happened two more times throughout the summer. Two other blessings confirmed the same thing: that there is a reason she was meant to come to this new school. She told me that she knows without a doubt that Kara is the reason she was meant to come to this school this year. It's completely out of my understanding how Kara got a teacher who has worked with Asperger kids in the past and who is extremely intelligent and saw Kara for who she is. The Lord truly has a guiding hand in our lives.

I am extremely grateful for the chance I've had to get some insight into how Kara works. To be able to understand your child and how they think is a miracle (especially with the nightmare school has been for her and us as parents the past few years). I cannot believe that not a single teacher, principal, or counselor had seen this sooner with all their training. We don't see how she acts in social situations with children, so we couldn't possible know. I'm thankful we were guided to this new area. I'm thankful her teacher did not choose to fight the district and stay at her school (which she could have done). I'm thankful we chose a home where we did so our kids could go to such a wonderful school. I'm also thankful that Kara happened to be assigned to the new teacher since her specialties were subjects Kara loves (science and reading). I'm thankful to those still reading this insanely long post so that they can understand the weight that's been lifted off my shoulders. Our love for Kara grows every day. And now hopefully Kara's love for herself can increase also with greater understanding and a more nurturing environment for her at home and at school.